Let me give you a thought: We have too much communication tools, but no real communication. And this cripples marriages, families, relationship...lives.
In today's fast changing world, there is always a price to everything... But if our families, children, and relationships become the price, let us rethink if it's worth it.
Here a scenario:
John works as a manager of a store in a suburb community. He works from 8 am to 9 pm; he supervises the operations of the store and ensures that proper actions are taken to avoid untoward situations. His wife, Liz, is a nurse of the community hospital. Liz works at night from 3 pm to 11pm – its an eight-hour shift. They have two kids, Ken is seven, while James is four. Because John and Liz are busy with their work, they leave the kids to their babysitter.
After three years of the same setup, John and Liz are before a judge regarding issues of divorce. They are arguing on who should get custody of the children, how much would the alimony be, and how much would the support of the children be.
They were torn apart... they ended up apart... they ended not as friends.
The scenario is a typical one. You have heard many times that you are already deaf to these dramas. But this is the awful truth of today.
So what had been the problem? It's not finances, it's not sex, it's not who's the boss of the house, it's not about the kids.
It's COMMUNICATION!
Relationship are asymmetrical. It's a two-way traffic. One needs to give, one needs to receive. And it is also a rose planted in the garden. Too much heat can scorch it to death; to avoid that, one needs to water the rose. And water is communication. Without communication, the relationship weathers, painfully.
But in today's fast changing world, people think it's enough that they can call each other; they can have Post-its on the wall, or just even texts to keep the relationship strong because they just can't bear to stop for a while and talk face to face.
I would like to go back to the basic for you to understand. When a guy courts a woman, words are used – and I am pretty sure, they were not just calls or texts. For certain, there was a date. They would dine outside and talk about many things in life, about their lives... We call it dating because it its getting to know the other person. In this dating stage, communication is at its best. As a result, the relationship blossomed.
I know you are getting my point. When people stop having quality time talking about their lives, their plans in life, their failures or mistakes, their pains and expectations from each other, relationship stops growing... and before one knows, it dies!
While I am not saying that women should stay at home or the other party should do so, what I am pointing out is the need for two people to find time to communicate or have time to make things up. Well, it is not about the length, it is about the quality. Nobody requires anybody to stay up late and talk for five hours with each other. Hell, no. But if you want to keep a relationship alive, keep talking... - not shouting.
How about finding time to talk to your wife on Sunday rather than watch the NFL? How about cooking for your husband on Saturday and just have great time with him than shopping with your friends? Be creative and be sensitive. Selfishness has no room in a relationship, buddy.
Communication won't work if the other one is not willing to open up. I already assume that when two people are in a relationship they are comfortable with each other; they are comfortable talking about all things under the sun with each other. So, there is no reason one would say that “there's nothing to talk about, we will just end up arguing.” That's stupid and bullshit. There are several things to know about your spouse or your partner. Questions like: How's work? How's the boss reacting now; is he still after you? How's your mother, by the way? What's the colour of boxers you want to wear, I'll buy you one when I get to the store? Do you want to jog with me?
Being busy with work or other things is never an excuse not to have a quality communication with your partner. Since you already started developing that relationship, don't give it up because you are just to naïve to try not giving it up.
Buy pizza tonight, and spark a conversation with your wife or husband. (Or bring your girlfriend or boyfriend to a nearby park or beach, strolling is a nice motivation to talk.)
